Insanity

written in late 2018; posted May 2019
 
I'm working step 2 for the first time.  I go at my own pace, which is a slower pace.  What's interesting is the slower pace is giving me a long term view and thought process on the step.  Instead of an immediate reaction, I have a view that is in development. 

I am finding with step 2 (and with step 1 before) that I can relate anything and everything to the step I am currently working on.  I expect this will occur with all the steps.

More quickly and easily I am identifying when insanity is infecting my behavior or distorting my thinking.

And this week I had an illuminating discovery:  my depression and self-harming thoughts can be triggered when my loved one is expressing self-harming ideas.

It was shocking how immediate the hopelessness and helplessness I felt from my loved one's depression-driven observation and despair transitioned into thoughts of my own self-harm. 

I didn't...they didn't....but it was a huge wake up call where my mind can still go, even while having so much success with my anti-depressant.

As for my loved ones self harming comment...my loved one felt better after they decided on food.  But this was during sober days.  So it says a lot about how much they're struggling.