Lavender Thoughts (week 1)

Here is my first time at a gratitude journal.

Thurs 8.16.18
🌼 relaxed chatting and laughter with my loved one when they are sober

🌼 eating a delicious and nourishing turkey bean chili, prepared by my loved one, using a recently learned and loved recipe but experimenting with it to use existing pantry items - yum

🌼 first cup of a new tea (hibiscus) made by my loved one and it's absolutely wonderful

🌼 felt noticed and appreciated for myself during 2 brief but pleasant moments of comraderie with people I know from meditation group

🌼 discovered a wonderful conversation and resource for how to support someone, or to request support, in times of tragedy (Oprah's SuperSoul conversation with Sheryl Anderson)

🌼 feel relaxed and satisfied from a job well done at work

🌼 success! 4 week streak for box/week initiative.  Look forward to messaging my sponsor!

Fri 8.17.18
🌼 discovered an immediate passion for NOSTEPINNES!! This happened almost 3 weeks ago, but today I thought of something we have around our home I could use as a Nostepinne for bulky yarn.  Using Nostepinnes feels like a link to the past, to centuries of individuals who have used this tool for my favorite craft. 
Here's a little history I could find online.
http://www.spinartiste.com/spinning-in-scandinavia-with-silja-devine-nostepinner-and-spaelsau-fleece-giveaway

🌼 asking for help and using the tools I learned of from asking for help.  I feel good about the hard work I'm doing on my big work project, and I feel great about how the tools are creating huge results.

🌼 crocheting tonight and it's lovely and relaxing. Also knitting and making progress on a cute pattern.

🌼 my program gives me the tools and my journey has given me practice that I can be here tonight and listen when my loved one is ready to share.  I didn't ask to hear about my loved ones ideas sooner but was patient and waited until they wished to share.  And when they said they just wanted to talk and not discuss, I could just listen.  And I am at total peace.  And I don't have anxiety about what was shared, nor am I anxious about the future of it.  I'm at peace because it's not my decisions to make.  My loved one is identifying what is right for them.  And I can just be here with them.

Sat 8.18

🌼 cuddles with my loved one and our beloved cat this morning

🌼 a day of leisure - blog posts, reading a wonderful book (Susanna Kearsly' s Belleweather), and now knitting while hanging with my loved ones

Sun 8.19

🌼 having the drive, the initiative and definitely the energy to move yesterday.  Also using my recently learned lesson to not "wait around" for my loved one but to do what I want to do and adjust as needed when they want to do something.  I worked on my "1 box a week" which meant I worked on, and finally finished, cleaning out and sorting the bathroom closet.  Then I spent several hours reorganizing and clearing out clutter to allow for an practical aesthetic set up for much used kitchen tools and towels. 

🌼 delicious and nourishing dinner made by my loved one.  Best chicken and wild rice ever. ;)

Mon 8.20

🌼 morning cuddles with our darling cat 

🌼 learning more about my anxiety.  I'm having a heightened agitation for food and realized it's connected with a heightened general anxiety, especially when I feel overwhelmed by "need" for snacks.  Although I did get donuts, I also sat down for a few minutes to work on this gratitude list and made plans for meditation and knitting breaks.

🌼 warm nourishing meal using leftovers made by loved one

🌼 an evening of a job well done making more progress

🌼 putting pictures on apartment wall but experimenting with how to get wall hanging on pictures. For a long time I was a little disappointed my loved one didn't tend towards handyman-ness often.  My dad did everything, and although my loved one has surprised many times, he doesn't lean towards DIY, handman-ness.  
But now I'm filling that void myself and love it. Feels a bit like I'm channeling my dad, in a good way.

🌼 learning more about anxiety. I'm realizing that several things are going on: taking less or even no breaks, more and more often feeling like I have no time for breaks, having more movements, emotional snacking today.  And all these things are leading me back to heightened anxiety.  And in the process I'm also falling back on the default behaviors of not knowing or recognizing the anxiety and therefore just dealing with the existence of anxiety.  I'm coping with anxiety by accepting and ignoring.

Tues 8.21

🌼 having a nice time with my loved one

Wed 8.22

🌼 confirmed my boss doesn't dislike me :) (have I mentioned depression sucks ass?).  My boss and I had a good chat.

Thurs 8.23

🌼 simply beautiful sunrise and how lovely the apartment is with the light  

🌼 lovely chat with stranger on way into building

🌼 great Alanon mtg

🌼 when leaving Alanon mtg, lovely gentleman (M) said I was very smart and impart a lot of good ideas ;)